LOCAL COFFEESHOP UNDER INVESTIGATION

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A Tallaght coffeeshop is undergoing Garda supervision after a series of shocking events attracted police attention.

Perhaps the most notable incident was the death of an innocent employee who was horrifically killed in a chocolate sauce blast, caused by an incompetent co-worker. Horrific footage shows the boy(15) being flung across the cafe floor after the convicted man(20) slammed a bottle of chocolate sauce off a counter top, causing the explosion.

The convicted barista’s behaviour is speculated to be caused by exposure to extreme abuse from customers and other members of the public. While offering coffee services to a local customer, he was immediately shut down and ignored by said customer. This caused the man to burst into tears and flee the shop, with 6 hours still remaining on his shift.

The man was also reported to Garda by concerned parents, after he was found balancing a 20 kilogram stainless steel pole on his erect penis in front of a nearby playground. This was apparently an act of vengeance, after the man was brutally beaten to inches of his life by a gang of children in a local park. The man was also caught by staff relieving himself in the staff break room and was told to leave to avoid disturbing customers.

However, this man is not the only person with a concerning history of questionable actions. A woman who works in the mentioned establishment was caught lying to customers faces in early 2021. A man who ordered an “extra shot” coffee asked to confirm if the coffee did indeed contain an extra shot of espresso, to which the woman replied “yes”, even though she knew well that it did not. Her co-worker immediately reported the incident to management.

Regular customers have also complained to local authorities after requesting to have seating priority, during the outdoor-dining only period. A woman who was tragically decapitated earlier in the year and was still recovering from surgery requested access to seating, but the cafe staff cruelly refused .

Aside from verbal abuse, customers have also suffered physical harassment at the hand of staff members. A local woman ordered a cup of tea to-go, which was accidentally crushed in her hands, causing scaulding hot tea to engulf her hands. Despite the obvious look of agony and distress on her face, the barista who served her the tea turned a blind eye to the event and looked away, leaving the woman to suffer.

Another male employee was also investigated for attempted arson, after he nearly caused a fire in front of customers due to poor candle handling.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.